Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Kids Say the Darnest Things
Aside from massively plagerising the title of an old TV comedy show, I think most of you will realise why I chose that phrase as the title of this post when you get down to reading the little email I'll be copying over in this post.
I actually got this email a few days ago, and posted its contents onto my blog - but just for you people out there who may have missed it, I thought I should post it here too. =D It's definitely worth a read (cuz I'm quite sure it will add a little smile on your face even if you're not feeling all too great right now ^_-)
So here we go! The Bible according to a child!
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If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on ! Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had beenborn in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on ! Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had beenborn in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Posted by amanda faith at
Thursday, May 21, 2009
God's Chisel
Hi Guys! Thought I would make it more convenient for everyone who was looking for/has yet to watch that video San San shared about during last week's cell. here's the video link from youtube! =D
Posted by amanda faith at
Pst Phil is so cool...
http://philpringle.wordpress.com/
Even his blogpost look is cool
Posted by Kenneth at
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A little message for the men out there..
"Sex". A regurgitative, rhetorical yet controversial word echoed a million times throughout the generations of yours and mine.
In typical Hollywood films...you'll get to see them on almost every movie..- In all decency, i do not wish to elaborate on this. :) Well, its kinda deplorable that such acts are glorified in such an irresponsible manner.
It is absolutely not by mere coincidence that you have actually stumbled across this posting of mine.
A few of my close friends confided in me, that they've lead their lives in an obscene & promiscuous manner.....Henceforth,
I felt compelled to address and resolve the issue at hand - Premarital Sex.
1.Virginity is sacred in the eyes of God. It is meant for one, to cherish prior to
marriage. It is God's gift to us at the time of birth. It is this purity that is present within us. It was meant to be given up only after a marriage, which has been ordained and sanctioned by God.
Hebrews 13:4
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
In his letter to Corinth, Apostle Paul has clearly stated that Sex was meant to be performed between married couples - it is the duties of a husband to his wife, and the wife to her husband!
1 Corinthians 7:2-3
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband"
Have we brought it down to a new low? I hope otherwise. Do not give in to Temptation!
2.Men - always remember, Love seeks to give, not to take. Sex is about self-
pleasure(taking). As we could see from here - The ultimate act of love - Giving is performed by none other than God himself!
From the start of the bible, it has always been illustrated, demonstrated and provided for - that God is a giver, in the beginning he created, and he gave life to Adam and Eve, he gave and gave!! We are the very direct product of LOVE itself!!
God, as the most eminent, holy, perfect of all, is the perfect example for us to emulate.
Behold, the greatest biblical verse of all!!
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one & only son, so that those whoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life"
Don't take one's virginity away. When you truly love someone, you shouldn't seek to take, but you should give - as a form of sacrificial love - the highest order of love.
3.As Christians, don't tarnish the beauty of your body which God has given you.
Bless those around you, with the work of the human body! Never ever give in to lust. Lust is temporary and it will not prevail over time. Love is enduring in all natures, and the reason for our existence, it is proof of God's love for us =)
1 Thessalonians 4:2-5
"For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to acquire a wife in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; "
God represents Enduring Perfection - and for us as righteous beings, as righteous christians, in order to inherit the Kingdom of God, we should be righteous in nature! Being righteous in itself, brings us closer to Perfection. And that will draw us closer to God Himself!
1 Cor. 6:9-10
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?"
Religion aside, Now i shall touch on the morality issues..
- Remember, as a boyfriend, or even as a husband, there is an implied responsibility, as well as liability to your girlfriend's mum and dad. Never not let anyone down, for they have endowed you with their trust. They expect you to take care of their daughter, and likewise, your parents would have expected your girlfriend to take good care of you.
- There will always be cause and effect, and for certain consequences, there may be repercussions that will result in irreversible changes.
- Men, think about this, how would you like it if your future wife were to have say..10 or 20 sexual partners prior to her marriage?
- Do you not know that unwanted pregnancies are the very direct result of premarital sex?
- Imagine this likely scenario in your mind, say if you were to encounter her once more....what would run through your mind? Would it be a evergreen recollection of the eventful times spent together? Or would you turn your back on her and because you are too ashamed to face up to your past?
...Give the above paragraph, a little food for thought.
Posted by Charis at
Thursday, May 7, 2009
God is the constant variable.
hey guys! (:
how's the exams going? x)
it should be ending soon or have already ended! grats to those who have already stepped into the 3months holiday til school reopens! (: anyhow, just wanted to share with you guys a little something we shared today during cellgroup over here in Melbourne.
sometimes when you come to God in prayer asking for breakthroughs and when we receive the victory, we rejoice.
but yet, there are also times when we begin to ask and yet our prayers are not answered. we begin to start questioning 5W1H.
let's break it down a little. if
US + GOD = VICTORY
but yet, at times..
US + GOD = FAILURE
(it's not mathematically correct, only for illustration sake)
what we know iz that God is the constant variable. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. God doesnt change. so when our outcome differs, guess who's at fault? us.
when the distance between God and us increases.
guess who's the one moving? us.
the same principle applies.
food for thought (:
Posted by -nat- at